well, well..Where should I start?
So, I think I should first start with my daily routine to give you an idea of my day:
5:30 am- wake up delirious, ready to take on the day
6:20- Meet my cohort fellow, who is in the same teaching class, to go over lesson plan
8:00- Arrive at Akins High school and talk to our Corporate teacher and most days have a "Come to Jesus meeting" with her about class management.
9-1:00- Teach life biology to high schools students
1-4:40: Travel back to institute and join up with the science cohort for skills and training
5-8: Lesson planning, finish all of the requirements and assignments giving to our cohort, review for tomorrow's teaching, try to be social and participate in Texas Teaching Fellows event for participation credit.
8-11 pm: Study for my TEXES 8-12 Test.
Set that alarm and start again.
Life has become hectic,intense,draining,exciting, and challenging. I have realized teaching has become extremely political and rigorous within the district. Teachers are not held accountable for their actions which causes achievement gaps. The focus is directed to the child passing their grade rather than the child becoming accountable for their actions and achievement.
Children have developed strategies to hide themselves from the spotlight of teachers. And because of this, the kids slide by unnoticed, damaged, and have title themselves as "just a number" within the class.
...I perouse the class and I know who is hiding, but why? These young adults are screaming to me through their heads drooped down with their body forming a shell of protection..Oh, I see them. My eyes reaching theirs and I recognize a since of desperation and ambiguity. Oh, how it's familiar.
I slowly perch down to a students desk wanting to tell them infinite words of love and comfort..But, I can't for I am only a stranger to them, a student teacher trying to untie the ropes as they knot it.
A student today looked at me and laughed..for he claimed "that I know nothing about science or how to teach" I only smiled and walked away and whispered...love, unconditional love. The children were laughing in the background as I breathed in hopes that my flesh and blood will not overtake me with callousness.
Oh God, let these children see love this through their fear, and un waving vulnerability..Oh my god, please, let them see love.
in conclusion, I'm being slapped in the face with reality everyday, eating great Chinese food, loving science, and just trying to breathe.
I love you all and thank for being my cheerleaders, It means the world to me.
Until next time,
AJC
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Should I show them my scars? Cherry red, Bleeding Burn
hey y'all,
So I'm sure each of you are wondering about my well-being, which is understandable.. So, shall we start from the beginning?
The voyage:
So, I traveled in my little wagon down to good ol' hottttt Tejas. While I was sauntering down the interstate, I was listening to the soft, ambient noise of my favorite bands as well as the (oh so imperative) talk radio, NPR. As I drove, sweat seeped through my body; this became the unavoidable and a familiar smell by the end of the trip :) I stopped in Atlanta for the night and then landed in my ol' stopping grounds of Orange, TX.
On my way through Louisiana, I smelled the familiar odor of sulfur (rotted eggs) which seemed to be dancing through my sinuses. I passed over the infamous Breaux bridge and the water was meeting the bridge just as a meniscus would attract to a beaker.
Devastation was only an arms length away yet I was only looking at the beast through a cage....I realize that I seem only to stare in amazement at such tragedy rather than putting my fingers through the cage and softly touching the beast.
I arrived in Orange, TX and headed to my permeable residence in Austin. I opened the apartment door and a sweet man named Cheng greeted me with the biggest smile. He asked me if I needed help and then instantly laughed at my lack of belongings (I knew we would be friends quickly). We chatted and I ate Chinese food and watched Kung Fu Panda with him. I spruced up the place and mounted my insect collection on the dinning room table. The next day Cheng claimed that "I wasn't the typical American" due to my cleanliness, geek tendency's and my early bedtime:) I'm slowly learning to use chopsticks; there is only chopsticks in the house...The other 2 other roommates are from China as well. I went to a church Sunday and met a girl Abigale from Singapore. We quickly became friends and I plan taking swing dancing soon. So that's the logistics (the epidermis) now for the meat (dermis).
The Reality:
Well, I failed my test but so did half of the Science Teaching Fellows in my cohort. I'm faced with the slap of failure and trying to work past it. I've come this far and I seem to be more determined than before. I have the opportunity to impact children lives through my struggles and determination by the grace of God. I ask each of you to say a prayer for me as I will for you.
For the first time, I'm seeing myself being challenged physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually. My comfort zone is being reconstructed which is causing change. I hope each of you step out of the perfectly constructed box and experience a since of uncomfort that creates a stronger sting and craving for God.
Until next time,
Ashley-Jayne Carlisle
Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy~ Bonhoeffer
So I'm sure each of you are wondering about my well-being, which is understandable.. So, shall we start from the beginning?
The voyage:
So, I traveled in my little wagon down to good ol' hottttt Tejas. While I was sauntering down the interstate, I was listening to the soft, ambient noise of my favorite bands as well as the (oh so imperative) talk radio, NPR. As I drove, sweat seeped through my body; this became the unavoidable and a familiar smell by the end of the trip :) I stopped in Atlanta for the night and then landed in my ol' stopping grounds of Orange, TX.
On my way through Louisiana, I smelled the familiar odor of sulfur (rotted eggs) which seemed to be dancing through my sinuses. I passed over the infamous Breaux bridge and the water was meeting the bridge just as a meniscus would attract to a beaker.
Devastation was only an arms length away yet I was only looking at the beast through a cage....I realize that I seem only to stare in amazement at such tragedy rather than putting my fingers through the cage and softly touching the beast.
I arrived in Orange, TX and headed to my permeable residence in Austin. I opened the apartment door and a sweet man named Cheng greeted me with the biggest smile. He asked me if I needed help and then instantly laughed at my lack of belongings (I knew we would be friends quickly). We chatted and I ate Chinese food and watched Kung Fu Panda with him. I spruced up the place and mounted my insect collection on the dinning room table. The next day Cheng claimed that "I wasn't the typical American" due to my cleanliness, geek tendency's and my early bedtime:) I'm slowly learning to use chopsticks; there is only chopsticks in the house...The other 2 other roommates are from China as well. I went to a church Sunday and met a girl Abigale from Singapore. We quickly became friends and I plan taking swing dancing soon. So that's the logistics (the epidermis) now for the meat (dermis).
The Reality:
Well, I failed my test but so did half of the Science Teaching Fellows in my cohort. I'm faced with the slap of failure and trying to work past it. I've come this far and I seem to be more determined than before. I have the opportunity to impact children lives through my struggles and determination by the grace of God. I ask each of you to say a prayer for me as I will for you.
For the first time, I'm seeing myself being challenged physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually. My comfort zone is being reconstructed which is causing change. I hope each of you step out of the perfectly constructed box and experience a since of uncomfort that creates a stronger sting and craving for God.
Until next time,
Ashley-Jayne Carlisle
Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy~ Bonhoeffer
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