Heelloo!
So, I've been MIA for a while and apologize for not being consistent.
I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll begin from the summer.
I went home for a month over the summer mainly to rebuild the relationship with my parents, my mother in specific. For the first time ever, I began to become friends with my own mother...and she is hilarious. For so many years I have isolated her from my life, struggles, and accomplishments. We never really understood each other because I didn't know how to share my life with her.
When leaving, I finally saw my mother as a close friend rather than a disciplinary and caretaker.
Recent news (logistics):
I live in a house away from downtown, which is good.
As most of you know, random things happen to me all of the time. So what is the new random thing? oh it is bed bugs. Yes, these blood sucking, nocturnal insects have been controlling my life for a few months. I'm leaving in a new house with one of most close friends, Cat, and she would wake up with these bites for about month. I, however, was not reacting to the bites yet we found them in the middle of the night...filled with our blood. So, every night I pray "oh God, please let me sleep tight without any bed bugs biting me". We recently got our house heated to 120 degrees which has killed these creatures...hopefully forever.
I also started my new job at a new school. This school has about 2,000 students and is the school where Friday Night Lights was filmed. I teach Chemistry and Earth/Space which involves Sophomores and Seniors.
This year has been drastically different from last year in some ways yet familiar in others.
My students are not as emotionally disturbed or aggressive as my other school but they have the same problems regardless of their race, status, and environments. We all in a since are "at-risk" because we are humans with imperfections. And because of this, I am able to notice the students who other teachers dismiss...I love my job.
I chose to switch schools because it I needed support and consistency, which Austin Can! Academy lacked. Last year 4 teacher were fired in the middle of year with no notice or inclination of such action. By seeing this, I needed security in my job and trust in my administration.
Now the emotional stuff:
Looking back from last year, I came to the realization of my severe depression. I felt as though I was drowning, screaming and kicking trying to save myself. My thoughts were taking me to places that was not of this world. I was calling out to my heavenly father asking to be picked up from this darkness. Through my brokenness, I could not save myself and became a vessel for God. I reached those students being in the worst emotional and physical state of my life. That's the beauty of grace and sincerity of our Lord.
As some of some of you may know that I lost a student due to homicide. This student was from Austin Can and in an instant, his life was gone. This situation woke me up and shook me. I was mad, frustrated and screaming to God "Hold me, Hold your child for I am crying to you to pick me up and wipe my tears". When I call, answer me, my righteous God! When I was in distress, you set me free. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer~ psalm 4:1 Please continue to pray for the family.
I listened to this song over and over the day this happened http://youtu.be/7HIIAYpzGWs, Mumford and Sons- Earth below my feet.
I see my personality changing, I've become much more quieter, private, and I listen more than I speak...I enjoy the subtle change :)
I started a new improv troupe called Catalyst. This troupe is dramatic based and lacks the familiar humor one thinks when hearing "improv" attached is our first video, I hope you enjoy it http://player.vimeo.com/video/50891411
Through my struggles, my faith has become stronger and I'm slowly but surely turning into a beautiful woman of God.
I'll be home for Christmas, and plan on being in Boone Dec. 28 till 30th. So, don't be a stranger.
With love in Christ,
Ashley Jayne Carlisle
