Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Awake my soul, for we were made to meet our maker

well, it has been a few weeks and it seems like years have passed, funny how reality can become a multiple of galaxies (I'll explain more).

Update: Finished student teaching, have 2 more weeks of institute, Took the TEXES exam, enjoying Austin...stressed.

So, let's begin, shall we?

Let me start with my fellow science cohort...13 individuals are in my cohort, 2 have doctorate degrees and 3 are fresh out of college. I must say that I'm loving this group for they are hilarious and of course I have my favorites :) One of my favorites, Mitch, is from Louisiana and is quite southern and sharp witted. He is a good ol' boy and loves those rattle' snakes and critters. Since I love imitating, or should I say speaking my natural southern language, me and Mitch get along quite well. He has classified me as his "sister from another mister".

I've been laughing a good amount just because the randomness of reality. Last month, I was selling pasta worrying about the fickle weather of Boone; But instead, I'm working on creating lesson plans, playing ultimate Frisbee in the dark, eating tacos every morning...my life has been topsy turvied and all I can do is laugh or some days cry.

I'm stressed about the results of this TEXES test. One of my biggest weakness is the lack of contextual confidence. As a coping mechanism, I tend to portray my intelligence as limiting, for people expect less from me. I am faced with intellectual individuals that carry themselves high which demands a confidence that becomes intimidating. I know the structure of failure and I know how it can be denatured or catalytic. I'm seeping into a vacuum of self-inflicted pity due to the constant aroma of self deprecation...Oh, but I'm trying to stand and hold steady even if I have scars from the falls. I find the results from the test this week, blah.

I was driving a friend home one night and on the drive back she looked at me and said that she gains more respect for me everyday. It took me off guard and I ask the reason behind the statement. She claimed that my acts of kindness are so genuine and frequent, she could tell that I really, truly cared about individuals. I almost cried like an infant when she spoke these words for I realized that I was only treating her as a daughter of God..."smack", there goes the slap across of face, for just then I realized one implication of my actions.

Each of you have shown copious amounts of care and kindness my way by the grace of God. And because of this, I know what genuine love and accountability inhabits.
As I drove home that night, I just smiled and thought about all of those moments were I was crawling in filth just to see a glimpse of light. Even if I didn't know where I was going, I knew what I needed. Due to this, each of you grabbed and shook me, fed me, washed my damped clothes, listened, and directed me towards our Makers image...and for that I'm eternally grateful.


So my story grows and every day enfolds another page. I just joined a improv group, just to add to the randomness

Until next time...

With sunshine from the hill country,
Miss. Carlisle

1 comment:

  1. Hey AJ! It was good to talk to you the other day...I'll call soon to finish our conversation. :)

    -Anna

    ReplyDelete